Friday, November 7, 2014

Your story matters.

"What will the world miss if you do not tell your story?" 

I went to the Storyline Conference in Chicago last weekend. My dearest friend in Des Moines told me she was going come hell or high water and I could join her if I wanted. It was very affordable (they offered a "pay what you want" price.) and I had transportation and lodging provided so uh, yeah. No-brainer. (And I also have a husband who travels a lot for work removing any guilt associated with leaving him alone with the kids for a weekend.) 

I didn't really know what I was in for. The web site was kind of vague-ish. The lineup of speakers was incredible, though, so I had pretty high hopes that I was in for an inspiring weekend. 

Donald Miller (of Blue Like Jazz fame) led three of the main sessions. I've only read half of one of his books but I now want to read ALL of all of them. I was laughing through all of his talks,(LOUDLY. Why do I always feel like I'm the loudest laugher in my section?? This is a warning if you ever come to a comedy show with me. I will laugh embarrassingly loud through the whole thing.) while voraciously taking in everything he was saying. I'm not usually a note-taker but I couldn't write fast enough. 

He talked a lot about taking ownership of our story, not to just react to things happening to us but to be co-creators of a meaningful life. And most importantly, not to fear conflict but be willing to engage it. There were so many great tidbits, I'll try to narrow it down to a few: 

  • When someone doesn't feel like they have meaning, they numb themselves with pleasure. (I think this is especially true for teenagers but obviously carries through into adulthood.)
  • What do I want? If somoene asked those closest to me and they couldn't answer, we're not living a strong story. 
  • Narrative is the most powerful tool to compel a human being and change someone's world view. (I love this one. It's why churches use testimonies so often. It's one thing to hear the gospel. It's another thing entirely to hear how the gospel has changed someone's life.) 
  • What if your kids learned from your story what was worth living and sacrificing for? 
  • Forgiveness is accepting the burden somebody has given you while no longer holding it against them.
  • The Christian life has become so easy and comfortable and non-revolutionary--far different than any story in the Bible. The Christian life is an invitation into a very difficult story. (Phew. That one is so convicting to me.)
We also heard powerful talks from Glennon Melton-Doyle, Shauna Niequist, Scott Hamilton, Michael Hyatt and Bob Goff, along with four spoken word pieces by Propaganda. (Can we talk about Bob Goff for a minute? I don't have words to describe what it's like to listen to him. You don't just sit and listen to him. You experience him. I could have sat there for eight more hours to listen to his stories. The man has a gift and it's changing the world.) I just sat there, like a dry sponge, soaking it all in. I loved God's timing of this conference in my life. I heard another person say, "That conference was for me. Everyone else just showed up." I felt the exact same way. Turns out, there are a lot of people out there on the cusp of living out great stories. I wished I could have connected with each one just to find out what story they were co-authoring with God. 
That's the thing we, as believers, need to let wash over us and then let sink in. God knows every detail of our story. But He didn't write it for us. I do believe He is completely sovereign and directs people's paths with gentle nudges (or sometimes a swift kick in the butt) but He is absolutely not a puppeteer. He placed that pen in each of our hands. He sends us off with great responsibility on our shoulders to live lives worthy of our namesake as His children. Thankfully He's there with us every step of the way. Sometimes we get it right, often times we get it wrong, but His safety net of grace is always big enough to catch us when we trip and fall, no matter how hard or far. And the beauty of walking in step with our co-author is that when we take those bruises and bloodied knees from a fall to Him in prayer, He uses them to shape our character to become more like Christ every time. 
Bob Goff used an example of hiking up a mountain behind a guide. "If you have a guide you can trust, you don't have to worry about the path you're on." 

Principles of decision making by Garry Friesen. The Way of Wisdom:
1. Where God commands, we must obey. 
2. Where there is no command, God gives us freedom (and responsibility) to choose.
3. Where there is no command, God gives us wisdom to choose. 
4. When we have chosen what is moral and wise, we must trust the sovereign God to work all the details together for good.
So what does this mean for me in my life right now? For one thing, I know my voice is needed. Sure, there are people with similar stories, some who are far better writers or communicators than I will ever be, but there is no one with MY story and MY voice. And so I will keep sharing my story of a heart restored; of my shame and sin and lies and addictions being replaced with the fullness of the grace and love of Jesus. I don't know if my story has a happy ending on this earth. I don't know if my marriage will ever be restored. I don't know if my kids will ever see their mom and dad living under the same roof again. There are so many promises in the Bible of God working things together for good but as far as my limited Bible knowledge goes, there aren't any promises that God's going to replace our current trials and suffering with a happily-ever-after here on earth. Sometimes we mistake the word "blessing" with "easy" or "happy". 
I admit, I've let my current trial--a husband who doesn't want to be married to me anymore because of the pain I inflicted on him a handful of years ago through emotional infidelity--weigh me down. Over the last couple of months I've felt so defeated by depression and loneliness and sheer exhaustion that single-parenting three boys brings. I'm "doing" all the right things, so God should turn this ship around and restore our marriage, right? Gosh, I wish I could claim that part as a promise but it's not. Do I have hope that He can? Absolutely. Until the bitter end. But I CANNOT assume that's what God is saying when He says things are going to work together for good. 
I had some time alone this morning and I read Hebrews. I think the last time I sat and eagerly read through an entire book of the Bible was....never? I'm being honest here. I remember being about 18, in college and wondering if I'd ever really want to read the Bible. Like, really want to. This is the beauty of walking through a desert season- as the difficulties of our circumstances increase, so does our need for Jesus. 

If you're walking through your own personal desert, read Hebrews 11 and 12. Let's get our expectations straight. Chapter 11 talks about Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Sarah. 
Verse 13 (from The Message): 
"Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that--heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them."

I want to type out all of Chapter 12 here but I won't. Just go read it. (Read it in The Message version if you haven't before.)

This is the kind of hope I want rising deep from within my soul. Not a hope in my marriage or my own happiness here on earth but a hope that comes from knowing that one day I'll be in the presence of God for eternity and I want Him to be proud of me. I want to speak boldly what He's done in my heart. And I really want to love others well along the way. 

Donald Miller said, "God is so much more concerned about our character than our comfort." I don't want to squirm and writhe through the uncomfortable times. I want to lean into it. I want a huge perspective shift to happen down to my core, where I wake up in the morning and ask God, like Don said, "where is my pain bringing me today?" I think it's possible. I'm not there yet. I probably have a long way to go. But I don't doubt for a second that He can and will use my story in some small way. 

"I've learned to live my scars out loud because those are the fingerprints of the Lord."

(For more posts about my desert season, click on the "broken made beautiful" label below. If you're on a smart phone, you'll have to go to the full web version in order to do this.)       


  1. "Where is my pain bringing me today?" Oh boy. I love that. I loved all of this. I am struggling right now. Wondering, too, if my story will have a happy ending. I like the idea of leaning into the pain, and trusting God (right up to the end) to make it all right.
    I also love the reminder that blessing is not synonymous with easy. Thank you. Thank you for that.

  2. My trials are different from yours, but your story has been a huge encouragement to this Kansas farmwife/mother of 3. I have a 12 year old autistic son who God has used to completely change my life. I'm very stubborn and don't always take to these challenges with the best grace and patience, but I know He's changing me. Keep up with the story telling- God is using you.

  3. loved that part from garry friesen. i loved this haverlee. made me want to jump in the car and come hang out with you and soak up your wisdom.

  4. What a powerful quote about living out our stories!

  5. I wish I would have been sitting right there with you. What an incredible opportunity, but even more so, He is doing such incredible things in you. It is amazing and I'm so thankful for you voice and friendship. Love you.


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