one.

Hard to believe, but my baby's officially one month old. When we were home from the hospital, I couldn't think past the next day or I would get serious anxiety. The thought of taking care of all three ALONE scared me to death. I literally forced myself not to think about it or talk about it. And I think that was the best way to handle it. Because at the time, I wasn't on my own. I had lots of help and no amount of thinking about it was going to prepare me for it. Well, four weeks later and I am doing it on my own. And its going ok. Not great, but we're surviving and I'm learning how to juggle it all. (Okay, I admit, today was a train-wreck. There were spankings and yelling and fit-throwing galore...by me and my two-year-old. Not. Proud. I will be very glad to see Jon walk in the door tomorrow evening.) Tomorrow's a new day and I will purpose to take calming breaths and pray through the day; something I should have been doing today for my poor children's sake! Back to this little nugget (vain-mom confession: I totally air-brushed all his baby acne away on picnik.com. He is sporting a serious pizza face these days):

Channing, you are as sweet as can be. You started smiling yesterday! That's pretty early but maybe God knows I need it now more than ever :) Bennett and I were talking to you today in crazy baby voices to get a smile out of you and we would clap together when you did. It was so fun to cheer you on in this first milestone.

You sleep on your tummy and I think eventually you'll be a thumb sucker. You go to town on your fist when you're trying to go to sleep. You do take a pacifier but only when you're really tired. The boys both help me by putting it in but Dawson always sticks it in upside-down since that's how he sucks on his! I feed you every night between 10:30 & 11 then again between 3:30 & 4:30am and then around 8am. You're a quick nurser now- usually 10 or 15 minutes. And you hardly ever spit up! Hurray!!! I hope that sticks because that makes life so much easier! You've been to the chiropractor twice and the pediatrician once. I have no clue how much you weigh but based on the cheeks and double chin you've been growing, you are definitely a healthy boy! The only tough thing right now is when you're awake, you want to be held. You will usually lay on the Boppy for about 5 or 10 minutes before you start crying. Oh, how I wish I could just hold you all day when you cry for me but life with three boys just doesn't allow me to. :( Especially since you prefer to be held up on my shoulder. The one position that requires two hands. A little too high-maintenance, mister! Bennett is such a big helper and will hold you or sit by you when you're fussy and I have to do something else. He's also my extra set of eyes when two-year-old trouble comes around! He's saved you a couple times, from being laid face-down on the hardwood floor and having your face pinched.

The other morning I said to Bennett, "I'm going to leave Channing with you while I go take a shower." (Bennett was watching a movie on our bed) "Just give him his paci if he starts crying." Bennett said, "And should I give him my booby if he gets hungry?" Um, no...that won't be necessary. Commence anatomy lesson.

I'm hitting that wall from sleep deprivation. Naps are few and very far between and I'm feeling pretty rough right now. If Babywise comes through again, I'm half way to 8 hours of blissful slumber!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.