one.

Hard to believe, but my baby's officially one month old. When we were home from the hospital, I couldn't think past the next day or I would get serious anxiety. The thought of taking care of all three ALONE scared me to death. I literally forced myself not to think about it or talk about it. And I think that was the best way to handle it. Because at the time, I wasn't on my own. I had lots of help and no amount of thinking about it was going to prepare me for it. Well, four weeks later and I am doing it on my own. And its going ok. Not great, but we're surviving and I'm learning how to juggle it all. (Okay, I admit, today was a train-wreck. There were spankings and yelling and fit-throwing galore...by me and my two-year-old. Not. Proud. I will be very glad to see Jon walk in the door tomorrow evening.) Tomorrow's a new day and I will purpose to take calming breaths and pray through the day; something I should have been doing today for my poor children's sake! Back to this little nugget (vain-mom confession: I totally air-brushed all his baby acne away on picnik.com. He is sporting a serious pizza face these days):

Channing, you are as sweet as can be. You started smiling yesterday! That's pretty early but maybe God knows I need it now more than ever :) Bennett and I were talking to you today in crazy baby voices to get a smile out of you and we would clap together when you did. It was so fun to cheer you on in this first milestone.

You sleep on your tummy and I think eventually you'll be a thumb sucker. You go to town on your fist when you're trying to go to sleep. You do take a pacifier but only when you're really tired. The boys both help me by putting it in but Dawson always sticks it in upside-down since that's how he sucks on his! I feed you every night between 10:30 & 11 then again between 3:30 & 4:30am and then around 8am. You're a quick nurser now- usually 10 or 15 minutes. And you hardly ever spit up! Hurray!!! I hope that sticks because that makes life so much easier! You've been to the chiropractor twice and the pediatrician once. I have no clue how much you weigh but based on the cheeks and double chin you've been growing, you are definitely a healthy boy! The only tough thing right now is when you're awake, you want to be held. You will usually lay on the Boppy for about 5 or 10 minutes before you start crying. Oh, how I wish I could just hold you all day when you cry for me but life with three boys just doesn't allow me to. :( Especially since you prefer to be held up on my shoulder. The one position that requires two hands. A little too high-maintenance, mister! Bennett is such a big helper and will hold you or sit by you when you're fussy and I have to do something else. He's also my extra set of eyes when two-year-old trouble comes around! He's saved you a couple times, from being laid face-down on the hardwood floor and having your face pinched.

The other morning I said to Bennett, "I'm going to leave Channing with you while I go take a shower." (Bennett was watching a movie on our bed) "Just give him his paci if he starts crying." Bennett said, "And should I give him my booby if he gets hungry?" Um, no...that won't be necessary. Commence anatomy lesson.

I'm hitting that wall from sleep deprivation. Naps are few and very far between and I'm feeling pretty rough right now. If Babywise comes through again, I'm half way to 8 hours of blissful slumber!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

If you build it, they will come.

My parents got the boys this climbing dome for Christmas and Jon got it put together this weekend. The first day Dawson tried it I thought he was way too small for it but already today he got half way up. So proud of my little monkeys. And I'm always so thankful for all the neighbor kids my boys have to play with!

And then there were 3

This week has been my first taste of real life with three boys. My mom went back home and I've had all three boys during the day while Jon's at work. Phew. We're surviving. I told Jon its pretty much a constant rotation between moments of calm and moments of chaos. And it changes quickly. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on things but next week will be my true test. Bennett goes back to preschool after a week off for spring break and Jon will travel overnight for a couple of days. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I even left the house with all three boys today. It only took me 45 minutes to feed the baby and get everyone dressed and out the door (after I was completely ready myself) and I considered that a success! Sheesh. I'm really going to have to master the art of planning ahead. We met Jon for lunch at Chick-fil-A and after he went back to work, I took the boys down to the playplace. I'm not quite sure I'll do that again very soon but it was nice to get out of the house.

Second attempt at a shot of all 3, slightly more successful than the first:

Both boys still love to hold Channing. It's so sweet. Bennett is wonderful with him and has actually held him and entertained him for me when he was crying and I was trying to do something. Dawson is actually super sweet and gentle with him until we get in the car. Channing's not too fond of his carseat and is usually crying. Dawson starts yelling at him every time. "Stop crying! I can't hear!" or one day it was, "Stop crying, I'm trying to read!" He gets pretty worked up. Don't you just wish they understood that's exactly how we feel when you're crying?? :)
Two weeks old here:

I mentioned to Jon about a month ago that since later this year is our 10th anniversary and my (gulp) 30th birthday, maybe he could get me a nicer camera. This is something I've dreamed about for a very long time but just tried to be content with what we had. Well, he completely shocked and surprised me this week with a package in the mail that he said was a little gift for having our final child. It was a new (and super fancy) camera. I started crying, I was so happy. I have zero photography knowledge but couldn't wait to read the manual and get my hands on it. Here are just a few "test" shots:

My niece, Quinn, and Dawson coloring while the big kids were at The Lorax with my sis:

I had it on the wrong setting in these next two. (Macro instead of Portrait- because when its on portrait I can't turn the flash off. Hmmm. Something I need to figure out. Is it better to just turn it to the no-flash setting rather than use portrait? Can you tell how much of an amateur I am by the way I phrased that question? :)

I would love to take a photography class. Hopefully in the near future I'll be able to. I'm just so so thankful for my thoughtful husband! I tried to think of another time I actually cried when I opened a present. Couldn't really think of one. (Ok, so maybe its because I'm 3 weeks post-partum and just slightly emotional.) But nonetheless, best gift ever.

Just out enjoying this glorious weather we've been having at one of our favorite parks. Here are a few pics of pretty much the cutest boys you've ever seen. (Biased? Who, me??)

So cute you could eat them up. Well you can't. They're all mine:

Snoozing away while my brothers play:

Brotherly Love (can sometimes be smothering...)

Just enjoying my three boys these days. I've still had lots of help from Jon and my MIL but have had a few chunks of time parenting on my own. Its definitely doable. Challenging, but doable. Obviously the hardest part is when I'm stuck in one spot nursing the babe but I'll continue to get the hang of this (as much as anyone ever possibly can!). My mom gets into town late tomorrow night and will be here all week. I'm thrilled to have full-time support for a week :)

The last few days, Dawson has started showing us that he's not so sure he's happy that his position in the family has been usurped by the little bundle. He's definitely throwing more fits than normal but that's all to be expected. He's so funny when Channing cries--he doesn't like it. (Apparently he thinks he's the only one allowed to do that in this family!) The other day in the car he said, "Channing, stop crying! I'm trying to read!"

The first shot I got with all three boys (only took me a week!). Channing, you really need to work on your posing for pictures. But I guess I'll give you a break since you're kinda new at all this.

I left Bennett on "Channing Duty" a couple days ago because Dawson was having a meltdown somewhere in the house. My instructions were to not pick him up. I came back to find this:

"Mom, I made him warm and cozy!". I couldn't help myself. I was cracking up. But after I regained my strict mommy face, Bennett learned a new word: smother. I made it clear why that wasn't such a good idea.

The funniest part was under the six pillows (with a couple burp cloths in between) there were about five blankets, one pair of my sweatpants, my sweatshirt and a tank top. He had put every soft item he could find in the whole room on top of him.

And my last story of the Colyer boy antics: I ran to the grocery store tonight (ALONE! :) when Jon got home. Jon informed me when I got back home that Dawson escaped and he made it all the way down to the corner of our street (we're two houses in) holding his basketball and only wearing a shirt. And it was already dark out! I always keep the front door locked for this very reason but I hadn't shut the garage behind me so he got out that way. This would be bad enough on its own but its just one of many. I have to hold some kind of record for runaway children. About a month ago, Dawson and Bennett were in the backyard together and Dawson climbed up the big hill, walked to where there was a break in the fence, went around it and started walking up NW 70th (a four lane divided road!!) towards Merle Hay (sorry, if you're not familiar with our house, that'll all sound confusing. Trust me when I say he was a long way from home!). By the time Bennett ran back home and told us and Jon caught up to him, two people had already pulled over and called the cops. (In my defense, I asked Jon if he thought Dawson was ok up by the fence since I saw him walking up there alone and Jon said, "Oh yeah, that fence keeps going all the way around." So....not my fault :) I've also had to call security to help me find my missing child three times and my mother-in-law has once. Other than the time at the zoo, the other three times we found them before mall security even got there but STILL! I'd really like to completely blame this on all the fact that my boys are completely fearless and very adventuresome and not on my parenting skills but I have to take some responsibility in all this :) Admittedly, I am a laid back parent. I'm not a hoverer. So maybe the bottom line here is, with three boys under my care, I probably need to be a lot more vigilant!

Since we've been home...

But first let's compare and contrast.
Bennett:

Dawson:

Channing:

So far Channing is reminding me so much of Bennett, even down to the little sighs he makes while he's eating. Channing has the most hair at birth by far, which I love! I always wanted a fluffy-haired baby :) And unlike his brothers, doesn't really have the Colyer Cowlick. His hair line swoops to one side but doesn't go straight up in one spot like B&D's (which I'm also thrilled about. Cowlick's are hard to tame!)

Leaving the hospital (we didn't forget to put his foot in. They had to check his ankle bracelet before we left :) :

Even though you can't see it very well, Bennett made a "Welcome Home Channing" sign with Nana while we were gone :)

I love how newborns will sleep anywhere, as long as they're snug. And honestly, I have a feeling there will be a lot more photos of this babe thanks to the Smartphone. I wouldn't have been able to grab my camera but my phone is usually within reach! (those are my legs if you can't tell. I thought it was obvious but just in case...):

He's a good eater and sleeper but very laid back, just like Bennett was. He takes his time to latch on and then will suck, suck, suck. Pause. Breathe. Suck, suck, suck. Breathe. Contemplate life. Suck, suck, suck. Where was I again? Oh yeah. Suck, suck, suck.

We're getting on a pretty good schedule and the last two nights he's done a 5 hour stretch between feedings already. When my milk supply slows down, I'll actually be able to sleep that whole time!

Jon has been home most of the time so far. He's been going to work for a couple of hours in the middle of the day but doing the dropoff/pickup for preschool. He asked me last night how I'll do when he's back at work full time and I said, "don't talk about that yet. Its way to scary". And then I immediately felt all depressed for a couple hours (until we got to watch the Bachelor together ;) So yeah, I'm very nervous about taking care of all 3 by myself--feeding Channing every 3 hours, dealing with Dawson's tantrums and cupboard raids, and making sure Bennett gets to school on time. But as I've been reminded, I'm learning the art of taking one day at a time. Because that's all my brain can wrap around at this point. And I'm focusing on the verse (wherever it's found) on not worrying about tomorrow, because worrying about it does no good for my current state of mind! I'm so blessed by my husband right now, who's completely taking care of me, making me breakfast and constantly bringing me water and asking me what I need. He is making all of this so much easier.

A certain reflex is letting me know it's feeding time...gotta go before I burst ;)

A Baby Story

Feel free to just look at the pictures if you're not a mom and don't want to hear all the gory details :)

Well, the story starts at my 40 week appointment. The one I didn't ever think I would even get to. I had been having so many contractions throughout this pregnancy (I literally started having Braxton Hicks around week 8 and they just increased in frequency and strength as the weeks went on) I thought for sure I'd go at least a few days early. A couple of my midwives both said having a lot of Braxton Hicks doesn't mean you'll go early but I just had a hard time believing them. Lesson learned. The professionals know what they're talking about. So at 40 weeks when they finally checked my cervix, I was only dilated to 1cm. Second surprise. With my first pregnancy, I was dilated to 3cm three weeks before Bennett was even born so I thought for sure I'd be at 2 or 3cm. Wrong again. They stripped my membranes at that appointment but it didn't kick start labor. Seriously folks, I was shocked. I literally thought I should bring my hospital bag to my appointment because as soon as they strip my membranes, I'll go into labor. Didn't happen.

Finally, 5 days later on February 28th, around 4am I started having contractions that I thought were the real deal. I started timing them and they were about 7min apart. At about 4:45 I got out of bed. When I started labor with Dawson, they were 15 min. apart but as soon as I got out of bed, they immediately turned into 5 min. apart and very quickly down to 3 and were drop-me-to-the-floor painful. Well, this time walking around the house didn't increase their frequency and although they were painful, it was still very bearable. I could still walk and talk through them (signs you don't need to go to the hospital yet). So around 6am and after making some tea and toast, I woke Jon up and told him that I was pretty sure they were real and he should probably get up. Again, I wasn't in immense pain yet at all and they still weren't any closer together. I called the midwife around 6:30 to tell her what was going on and she said I could either come to the hospital or wait until 8am and go to the office to get checked first. I told her I didn't want to miss my window for an epidural and would probably go straight to the hospital. Judie came to our house to watch the boys around 7ish. She walked in the front door to find all 4 of us on the living room couch, all relaxed, watching Despicable Me. I was totally unsure as to what to do. I know the rules. You don't go to the hospital until they're 5 minutes apart and you can't walk or talk through them. Well, after 3 hours of what I was pretty sure was labor, I still didn't qualify. I really didn't want to show up at the hospital and get sent back home. We left the house anyway, around 7:30, stopped at Sonic for a little breakfast and since it was getting close to 8am I told Jon to just go to the Midwife Office instead and I would have them check me there. I was about 95% sure they were going to tell us to go back home and wait.

So the midwife there came in, checked me, and lo and behold, I was at 5cm and about 75% effaced! Half way there! I can't even explain to you how surprised I was. And overjoyed! Half way there and I was barely having any pain. I would have started jumping up and down if I wasn't carrying a 20lb bowling ball in my belly. We headed next door to the hospital and it was the most surreal experience. I casually walked in, went up to the 6th floor and calmly said, "I need to check in. I'm in labor". It felt like I was in a dream. When it comes to babies and deliveries, its so hard to imagine anything but what you've been through before and last time, I was in a wheel chair, feeling like I was going to die from the pain and wanted to punch the nurse at the desk who asked me why I was there. Um...do I seriously need to answer that question?? So to be standing there in zero pain was just utterly baffling. Jon and I were just joking around and laughing with each other. So. Weird.

Once the midwife got there and checked me, she said I had two choices: get an epidural right away and then she'd break my water or vice versa. I told her it seemed way too weird to ask for an epidural when my pain was at about a 2 on the pain scale so I said, go ahead and break my water. That was 9:15am. Well, needless to say, things picked up very quickly after that. My pain shot up from a 2 to a 10 and by the time the anesthesiologist came in, I was more than ready for that epidural. I'm generally a no-meds, kinda girl. I think in 4 years of parenting, I've filled a prescription for my kids about 4 times. My theory is chiropractor first, then google "homeopathic remedy for..." then doctor. But when it comes to pushing a baby out, I say bring on the drugs! Some may call me a wimp. But anyone who's had an epidural (that worked in time) would call me smart. They don't call it the "ring of fire" for nothing.

The epidural kicked in right away. Aaaahhhh. Huge sigh of relief. I literally had about an hour of labor pain. That's it! I felt like the luckiest girl alive. When I had Dawson, the epidural took away all my contraction pain but I felt almost everything when I had to push him out, so I didn't know what to expect this time. When I had to start pushing, I felt zero. Nada. Zilch. It was glorious. I wasn't sure if I was pushing so great, but 20 minutes later he popped right out, so obviously I did ok :) We were going to delay the cord cutting but when his head emerged, it was wrapped really tightly around his neck so they snipped it immediately. But I got to hold him on my chest immediately and just soak in the newest member of the human race. It was amazing, watching him slowly pink up and just to fall in love with my third son in that moment. I didn't get that experience with my other two. Bennett didn't breathe for a minute and a half when he came out so they whisked him away to resuscitate him. Dawson was fine but I was in so much pain at that point, I just wasn't ready to hold him for more than a second. So that was it! 9:15 to 11:36am. My sister Claire got there right when he came out and Judie got there about 10 minutes later. Here she is when we told her his name, Channing Jude:

My last surprise of the day--7lb 7oz. Bennett and Dawson were both 8lb 4oz so I couldn't believe he was so much smaller! (Sure didn't feel like it those last several weeks!)

With Nana for the first time:

And Auntie Claire:

The boys came after Bennett finished preschool that day. They were both soooo excited and were exclaiming over his tiny toes and fingers.

The biggest brother:

Seth and Bethany came with Quinn, along with all the other Colyer Aunts & Uncles and cousins. My parents made a very last minute decision to drive up right away for a very quick visit. They got here super late the night he was born, hung out the whole next day, stayed one more night and left after another quick visit to the hospital the next morning. Some people might call them crazy for driving 20 hours total for a one day visit, but do you think they regretted it for a second? Nope. My mom will be back up in a few more days to stay for a whole week.

And that was the story of the day that Channing Jude Colyer decided to finally grace this world with his adorableness.