August 3rd, 2002:
How do you even begin to sum up a decade of marriage in one blog post? I am so incredibly blessed to still be in love with my husband because we've both chosen to love each other. We've waded through a lot of muck and drifted through a lot of calm waters. And through each season, we've chosen love.
And frankly, I've learned if I'm not feeling very loved, all I have to do is quit dwelling on it, buck up and show him more love first and it bounces right back to me. Funny how that works.
Another great thing I've discovered along the way is to quit expecting your husband to read your mind. I learned about a year in to quit hoping he'd give me sympathy when I needed it and to just come out and ask for it! Make it silly and funny. Guys are simple creatures (most of them). Women are not. If something crappy happened to me that day, I'll tell him first, "I just need sympathy, not solutions". And if something really really crappy happened and I need TONS of empathy, I call my girlfriend. And that's ok. Your husband doesn't need to be your girlfriend too.
(I didn't think of this stuff myself. I learned a lot from the 10 years, off and on, I worked with Gary & Barb Rosberg. And two great books to start with are The Five Love Languages and Love and Respect.)
A great thing I heard from my parents early on is this:
Everybody loves about 85% of their spouse and the other 15% drives them nuts. Focus on the 85, not the 15.
That's not a one-time deal. That's a constant choice, day in and day out!Facebook doesn't help this. If you're struggling at all in your marriage, don't get on Facebook around Valentine's Day or Mother's Day! I'm so glad I got married before Facebook and Pinterest. There was so much less pressure and comparing back then!
We have a lot more work to do. But I know the hardest part is behind us. The future looks golden to me. I'm so thankful to have you by my side, Jon. You are my best friend and the one I would choose a thousand times over. Thank you for loving me, an imperfect person, perfectly.